I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
