When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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