Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
