sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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