you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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