she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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