I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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