My nipple is on Facebook.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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