you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
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thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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