i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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