this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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