its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
