I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
