Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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