Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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