So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
ttyl tear gas
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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