I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
