this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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