Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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