You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
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i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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