I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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