but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
