My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
