you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize