i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm like, not good at living.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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