Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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