Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
