Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
