even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this boner is exhausting
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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