I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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