I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
