Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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