I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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