I'm going to jail i love you
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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