i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
