so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
