Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
