oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
