I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
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alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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