I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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