just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
