GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
