I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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