glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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