Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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