Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
