How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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