If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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