I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
