i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
is it fun? or sober?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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