Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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