If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
