ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
