remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
