If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
