I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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