I'm passing your future prison.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
