I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
