when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize