you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
