Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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