He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
