quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
