Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
