good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
