That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
