Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
