i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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