i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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