I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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