PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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