We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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