Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
