i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Text me some of your sweat
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
