Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
