Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
