Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
