my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
