New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
