i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
