I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
