So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
