Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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